I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
