Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
