she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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