So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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