Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He better not be in your backpack
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
