Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
