Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Come share oat with me in your robe
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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