Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
they need to just BURY HIM!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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