I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
