I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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