he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
