cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
