threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
