we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
