11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
