I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The best revenge is premature balding
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
