omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
