Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
