hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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