ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
