dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize