I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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