there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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