she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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