Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
