i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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