Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
