Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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