I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
