Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
