You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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