how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
