dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize