i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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