Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love having hate sex.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
