i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish my penis had a tongue
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
