so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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