My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
