literally had 100 drinks last night.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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