she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
