its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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