Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
3 2 1 whiskey
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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