you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize