let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
