My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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