Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
