Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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