I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
