it's like iHOP with fire
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
