i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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