hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
