her vagine was all disorganized.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
