bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
