First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize