First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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