As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
