If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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