you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
