I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Less talking, more tequila
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
