you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
