she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
