I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Randomize
