my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
