I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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