My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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