All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
