i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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