my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
