No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
