I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
