I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
